A simple framework developed by Mandy Saligari to teach parents how to provide an emotional environment for children to safely mature.
The workshop and groups provide education, support and advice, challenge enabling habits, and introduce ways to behave around addictions and other difficult behaviour.
‘Proactive Parenting: Help your child conquer self-destructive behaviours and build self-esteem’
by Mandy Saligari
Take a proactive approach towards your child’s mental health and discover how to have the conversations that will be life-saving and life-changing.
The pressures faced by children and adolescents today are unprecedented, and the corresponding statistics around poor mental health deeply alarming. Behind every mental health issue, from addiction to ADHD, lies a host of underlying problems that need addressing but as a worried parent it’s hard to know where to focus. What do you do if your child struggles with anxiety? Is self-harming? Has developed an unhealthy relationship with eating, exercise, technology or alcohol?
Proactive in approach, top addiction therapist Mandy Saligari provides the tools to help you identify and address the self-destructive patterns of behaviour, to stop them in their tracks. Her practical framework reveals how you can adapt your own behaviour and equip your child to develop emotional intelligence, resilience and self-esteem.
‘This book will change how we bring up our families’ – Simon Woodroffe OBE
‘A book with really helpful insights… we should all read knowing that we can make a difference’ – Dame Benny Refson, DBE President of Place2Be
‘Mandy is a like a surgeon for emotions. Through my work at Big Change, I know it’s easier to grow a strong child than fix a broken adult and early prevention is key to breaking negative cycles … I highly recommend this book’ – Sam Branson, co-founder of Big Change
‘The book gives guidelines and positive structures that can aid complicated, delicate and personal situations … an incredibly useful source to have as a parent’ – Jude Law
PROACTIVE PARENTING GROUP 1
LIMITED NUMBERS – RUNS EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING ON ZOOM
Facilitated by Mandy Saligari, this group focuses on self-care and how to care in a healthy way for someone you love. With a focus on codependence, participants are usually family members of people suffering from self destructive behaviours and/or addiction. Whether you’re worried about someone and feel you just cant get through to them, perhaps your loved one is in recovery, in treatment at Charter or elsewhere, or still in active addiction, there are things youcan do to gain a sense of peace and control. Taking that time for yourself is the first big step towards reclaiming your life, for yourself and for those around you.
SELF-CARE IS SELF-ESTEEM IN ACTION
This group will help you focus on better understanding your own history so you can in turn better appreciate the part you may have played in your current circumstances, and therefore what you might wish to change, and crucially, how. Promoting self-care, teaching healthy helping and constructive communication, you will rediscover how to maintain dignity and respect in the face of stress, conflict and manipulation.
Codependency will be explained and explored, dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaviour will be unravelled, new patterns inspired and common thinking such as ‘you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child’ or ‘if you’re ok, I’m ok’ will be challenged. Although the codependent is often ‘the fixer’ they can be plagued with indecision and self-doubt when it comes to making decisions for themselves, instinctively pulled to put their needs last, suggesting an absence of self-worth, which is a priority for us to work on in this group.
Addiction doesn’t only affect the person ‘using’, it is a family condition and everyone pays a price. By return, you don’t have to wait for the identified addict to accept help to start making changes, and this is where this group can really make a difference.
Each week you will have the opportunity to take some time to explore something that you are thinking about or struggling with which can then be reflected through the group experience and using the Proactive Parenting framework. Although the framework is a parenting approach, just as powerfully it can be internalised as a reparenting process for you too.
PROACTIVE PARENTING GROUP 2
CLOSED GROUP – RUNS FOR 13 WEEKS ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON ON ZOOM
Facilitated by Mandy Saligari, the proactive approach to challenging addiction outlined in the book is explored and explained. You will be invited to apply your own experiences to the themes and approach, and if you wish, bring them to the group. You may find that your interest in attending the group is inspired by someone else’s difficulty, typically one of your children, but you will quickly become aware that you may have more influence than you realise.
Initially you will learn about the difference between the manifestations of addiction (of which in this model there are 15) and the underlying core characteristics (of which there are 12). It is through understanding the core characteristics that you will be able to connect more meaningfully with your loved ones, especially once you have addressed your own feelings of helplessness around the addictive behaviour itself. The approach attempts to prevent the child from being able to ‘shoot the messenger’ as so many parents feel deskilled by their children, putting you back in charge. Only then will the techniques work effectively and long term, giving you the space and opportunity to become the parent you want to be.
Taking this time for yourself to take proper stock is an important step towards reclaiming your life, for yourself and for those around you.
Self-care is self-esteem in action
Through a series of targeted psycho-educational sessions followed by group interaction, we will help you understand the influences from your own history so you can in turn better appreciate the part you may have played in your current circumstances, and therefore what you might wish to change, and how. This immediately challenges the seemingly invisible power your troubled child has to affect the quality of your family’s life, as its no longer all about them.
Promoting self-care, teaching healthy helping and ways to communicate constructively, over the weeks you will rediscover how to maintain dignity and respect in the face of stress, conflict and manipulation so that you can be more effective in your role and promote well-being through positive modelling.
Codependency will be explained and explored, dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaviour will be unravelled, new patterns inspired and common thinking such as ‘you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child’ will be challenged. Addiction doesn’t only affect the person ‘using’, it is a family condition and everyone pays a price. You don’t have to wait for the identified addict to accept help to start making changes, and this is where this group can really make a difference.
Each week you will be invited to take some time to explore something that you are thinking about or struggling with which can then be reflected through the group experience and using the Proactive Parenting framework. Although the framework is a parenting approach, just as powerfully it can be internalised as a reparenting process for you too.
M.M - OUTPATIENT PROGRAMME
I made the call, listened and got to work. It was the best call I ever made. Charter shone the light on the darkness and made it a safe place for me to step out into the light. With courage, honesty, and compassion, I now show up for life every day, I now show up for me every day.
I am so very grateful to all of the team at Charter. They are professional, they are fun, and most of all, they really really care!
D.T - OUTPATIENT PROGRAMME
The work is comprehensive, searching and at times, uncomfortable. But it's absolutely necessary. My advice to anyone struggling with addiction who's thinking about going is very simple. Do it. Throw in the towel.
Get yourself into group, open up, get honest.
As Mandy would say, 'get some skin in the game'.
MAGGIE - OUTPATIENT PROGRAMME
Charter gave me my first real glimpse of freedom of my addiction and the will to face another day free of fear. Every single therapist brought their own particular stance into the groups, and there was as much laughter as tears.
We were all led by Mandy Saligari, the bravest and most intuitive people I have ever met. I can only say thank you.
J.T, grateful addict - OUTPATIENT PROGRAMME
What makes Charter so special is the way Mandy works with the rest of the team to create a complete picture of what you need and where you’re at, on an almost second by second basis. I felt seen and heard. This made me feel safe enough to get on with the painful risks I needed to take in group to get properly well; the risks I’d spent a whole life avoiding.
E.D - wife & mother
I found the drama triangle and boundary work really useful and consequently I don’t ever feel that I am running on empty. I am kinder to myself. I have the tools now to avoid the pointless circular arguments and accusations that seemed to be an inevitable part of family life, consequently I am happier.