Mandy Saligari and her team of dedicated and experienced therapists specialise in working with couples and with families. Many of the referrals are via law firms where initial advice has been sought in the face of an event, or communication breakdown. Others come as a result of something happening which in itself has brought the family or couple to our door.
Here at CHARTER we assess each of you separately and also together so that we have listened to your individual difficulties, have a sense of the dynamic between you and understand what your goals might be. We then outline a plan of therapy, either for individual therapy or in a group or workshop – we will always advocate the support that we believe will help you the most.
Many families and couples come to us looking for help repairing difficult rifts after an event, or when communication, trust and mutual respect have broken down, or when an addiction is present. We work with each individual involved, looking at how he or she can best represent themselves, and with the resulting relationship. We examine how resentments may have built up; we look at how normal boundaries and expectations may have given way to life’s sometimes daunting demands. There’s no perfect formula for a ‘happy family’ or relationship but there are certainly ideal components, such as clean communication and good self-esteem that can vastly improve a family dynamic and which we can teach.
Our marriage and couples work is based on the belief that we choose who we fall in love with, a fascinating take on attraction and social interaction that encourages self-awareness and curiosity in relationship. We can explore the impact of the couple on the resulting family dynamic and unravel arguments and disagreements that may be explicit and visible or displaced so that another family member becomes scapegoated as ‘difficult’. What’s interesting here is when nothing seems to work to address the apparent problem – this can suggest that you haven’t yet found the real ‘problem’.
Our approaches to relationship counselling depend very much on the issues being presented. Some counselling sessions work with family groups, and others with a pair. Whatever the relationship or the need, we will work with you to address a specific issue. Readmore +
A broken marriage is usually extremely painful for both parties. People often forget that the person initiating the separation can be as upset as the rejected partner, and each deserves the support that allows them to properly process the experience so that they can let go. Where children are involved it gets more complicated. Children are often the genuine victims as they are wide open to soaking up the various tensions and pain that are always an intense part of any separation or divorce, even if it doesn’t seem so, or if the intention is to protect them.
But separation and divorce don’t have to cause lasting harm, or emotional disturbance to your children if it is handled responsibly. This means communicating effectively and as adults when in all probability communication has long since broken down and resentment taken its place. It takes self-discipline and intent to achieve this and CHARTER can help. An experienced therapist will work with you both together and if necessary separately to ensure you feel heard and are able to properly trust the space. This allows you to begin a process of unravelling your mutual histories so that with as little blame or resentment as possible, you can both let go and move on. At this point we need to work closely with you to ensure that the loss you feel is effectively managed and you both feel supported.
Boundaries are extremely important at this point too, and the ability to hold them in the face of children asking questions is challenging. It is too easy to deliver an answer in an emotional moment, that goes on to backfire on you or on them. When either or both parents divulge their emotional process to their children inadvertently or otherwise, it can cause long-term damage to the child or children’s emotional and social development, and their capacity to trust and form committed and rewarding personal relationships. Thus, managing your emotions, engaging in patterns of good self-care, having boundaries and focused contact with the separating partner and having a place to talk are all useful ways to minimise the impact on children.
At CHARTER we can provide individual and couples sessions to work though difficult areas of communication and negotiation to enable a more harmonious break up; we can also provide support to your children through referral to one of our child/adolescent practitioners.
We are always happy to answer any questions you may have so just give us a call to see if we can help. Or make an appointment with the assessment team so you have a better understanding of your options and of how we can help you to make a plan. Just pick up the phone or fill in our Enquiry Form and we can work together from there.
You might find the information in our PDF library useful. You can download more detailed information about marriage, separation and divorce related issues.PDF LIBRARY
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